In the meantime…

I presented a work in progress piece for Experimentica 1.1 at Chapter Arts center in Cardiff. - 2 performances were presented on 16^th October one at 2pm one at 5pm. Gathered performance documentation in videos/photos/residues.

When did the process start?

The drive there?

The preparation of the space?

The beginning of the idea?

Keep going back to and considering the text within the performance……halfway between meanings…… thinking about the difference in the 2 presentations – participation levels between the 2 very different….. the way I felt in the repetition….

Should I be allowed to be here?? Question spoken by Hugo Glenidining in conversation with AH (12/2/10). Seems valid – I asked that too. Both times.

Is it (was it) too embedded – too self referential or not explicitly self referential enough? Too closed. What is the connection between the body other and the body self? What the fuck does it mean? Is the presence of the confession/stories/anecdotes valid? How do the alter/engage with my presence?

Tiny acts of repair. Seems an important phrase. Nestled between creation and destruction. Building. Ongoing. Ever constant. This seems somehow related to permanence (the fear of permanence?)

Gaps. Discovering them seems important. More so as the process evolves. Do they appear in the disintegrationof a moment? In the spaces between the words.

A clear face. To see. Empathy. Witnessing.

Remembering a story from Mik (or was it mike) a giant of a man who worked at wakestock – broken, in prison, violent, respectful. I felt the dislodged bone in his head and saw the way that when you pushed it another part of his skull moved. He had around 104 tattoos but would only ever keep one section of his face clear as it was the only part of his body, which was unmarked. Seems an important story. Don’t know why yet.

Gaze/I am bind/concealment/lack of readability.

Making a texture. “What would this place be like if all the people who had left stayed?”

To care.

Stillness

The risk of control

The sensitivity

Second time around – realizing a feeling of guilt returning into the space of the piece. Infecting it somehow. Mistrusting the objects. Loosing first intension. Mark me mark you. See me see you again and again. Aging. Where do I start and you begin? The space between you and me.

When discussing the piece with Phil – beauty/reverence/sound – too much so?? The text. Suggestions of meaning. Sitting between meanings. Gaps again. How does the text operate within the piece?

I am bind

Tiny acts of repair.

Hands crossed she waits. My body half inch from the floor. I dug myself

Her eyes are open. She can always see pieces of herself around the edges.

Discussing the piece with Kay – consideration of control and being female/male gaze – not something I’m overtly interested in but should be considered…going from nude to naked (image Andy took of me changing the stairwell. Naked. Bare. Stripped. Not naked in the piece…….?) Gaze. Reminded me of carolee scheman. Again!

To create a texture.